LGBT History Month celebrates LGBT+ people in all their diversity, raises awareness, and combats prejudice with education.
North Cumbria Integrated Care NHS Foundation Trust is sharing the story of one of our employees who is embarking on a transition journey.
Nurse Trevor Oakes always knew he was never happy being a man, but growing up in the 70s and 80s he was encouraged to comply with his birth gender.
At the end of last year, Trevor became Tabbetha - ending years of anguish and lies.
Tabbetha, 49, works at the Cumberland Infirmary. She has worked for the Trust for 10 years and has decided to tell her story for LGBT History Month.
Tabbetha, who was married with two children, grew up in Brighton. She said: “I had wanted to be a nurse when I was 18, but my school discouraged me. The school had a very old fashioned view that men were doctors and women were nurses.”
After careers as a plumber and hotel owner, Tabbetha eventually trained to be a nurse in Dumfries graduating in 2012 with a Bsc with distinction in Adult Nursing.
She said: “I used to dress up in my sister’s and mother’s clothes when I was younger, but was strongly discouraged by my parents who wanted me to comply with my assigned at birth gender of male. “You have to remember that this was in the early 80’s where gays and lesbians, were only talked about in relation to AIDS and transgender was referred to as tranny and talking about the Kenny Everett show. So, I complied with my parents’ wishes and kept it hidden for 35 years. I did what was expected of me, to have a girlfriend, get married and have a family and repressed it completely until two to two and a half years ago.
“Back in 2012 I questioned my sexuality, I kept thinking I was gay, but then in about 2020/21 I realised that it was not my sexuality I was unhappy with, but my gender. At this point I started dressing privately at home on my days off. Then, in June 2022, I attended the RCN congress in Glasgow, a city I knew well. I stayed for three nights and decided to go out dressed in public for the first time. It just felt right, I was accepted by the people I met and felt happy and more confident.”
She came out as Tabbetha in October last year.
She said: “It was earlier than I had planned.
“Keeping my struggle with my sexuality - and then with my gender - a secret for so long caused a lot of mental anguish. This led to arguments, unhappiness and frustration in my personal life. I have always had a closer bond with female colleagues, from school all the way up to the present day. I currently have regular counselling to help with my mental health and my transition.
“All my friends, newly reconnected former colleagues and friends and current colleagues have all been very supportive to me since coming out. I have been very open with them and hope they feel free to discuss my transition with me. I see this a bit of therapy for me, and also an opportunity to educate people about what’s involved with transition from male to female.”
Tabbetha explains what this year’s LGBT History Month means to her.
She said: “This year’s LGBT history month means a lot to me as a celebration and understanding of all the people who have gone before me and paved the way, to give me the confidence to come out and be my true self as Tabbetha. Maybe if it had been around 35 - 40 years ago I might have not complied with what was expected of me by my parents.
“We need to celebrate, remember and understand the struggles of our community to reach the point of where we are today. I hope by sharing my story that it might give other people dealing with their gender identity or sexuality the confidence to take the step and come out, and be true to themselves.”
Tabbetha says since coming out and starting her transition journey she has become happier.
“I have become happy in my everyday life, because I am no longer keeping this huge secret. My colleagues would agree that I am happier now. I also have increased confidence and become less introverted. I feel that me transitioning is allowing me be who I have always been deep inside,” she said.
Tabbetha hopes to have the various surgeries involved over the next two years and be fully transitioned by mid 2025.
In her spare time she enjoys walking, listening to music, travelling, paddle boarding and photography.
Justine Steele, Executive Director of People and Organisational Development at NCIC, said: “North Cumbria Integrated Care NHS Foundation Trust strives to be a fully inclusive NHS trust and we are proud of all of our employees regardless of their sexuality, race or gender. The Trust has a gender inclusion policy which is an important in ensuring fairness and inclusivity for everyone in line with our Trust values of kindness, ambition, respect and collaboration. Today, we respect people for who they are. Everyone should feel able to express their views, their feelings and their relationships much more openly and here at NCIC we welcome that. We wish Tabbetha well on her transition journey.”